Four ways to divorce, and how to choose

How you divorce matters more to your cost and stress than almost anything else. Most divorces never reach trial. They settle, and the question is how.

1. Uncontested, do it yourselves

You and your spouse agree on everything, or nearly everything, and file the paperwork yourselves or with help. This is the fastest and least expensive path. It works best when finances are simple and trust is intact.

2. Mediation

A neutral mediator helps you reach agreement in a few sessions. The mediator does not take sides or decide anything. Many couples who start far apart reach a full agreement this way. Each of you can still have a lawyer review the result.

3. Collaborative divorce

Each spouse hires a collaboratively trained lawyer and everyone signs a pledge not to go to court. Financial neutrals and coaches often join. It costs more than mediation and less than litigation.

4. Contested, in court

When you cannot agree, a judge decides. Lawyers handle discovery, motions and hearings. It is the slowest and most expensive path, and sometimes the only safe one, especially where there is abuse, hidden money or a spouse who will not engage.

How to choose

• Safety concerns or a large power imbalance point toward a lawyer first.
• A spouse who has already hired a lawyer usually means you want one too.
• Agreement on most issues points toward uncontested or mediation.
• You can change paths. Many people start with mediation and finish uncontested.

This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws differ by state and change over time. For advice about your situation, talk to a licensed attorney in your state.